GFanonymous

meaning she wasn’t your best friend to begin with, because if she was, it wouldn’t matter how much you hurt her, even if she couldn’t be in a relationship with you, she’d still be there as your friend because that’s what a friend does. they love you for you, not for what you do or what you have together.  it’s always hard to have a friendship when the relationship came first. all you know is being “in” love, so when you’re not anymore, you don’t really know what to do. but if the friendship came first, with no romantic intentions,it’s different. it’s solid, so if you can’t be with this person, at least there’s something to hold on to, and you know you love each other on more than one level. it broke my heart to hear you say “i lost my best friend, and my first love.”  love is all about chance. either way there will be consequences but there will also be joyful moments. you have to weigh out what’s worth losing and what’s worth fighting for. the thing about being in a relationship with your best friend is…when it’s over, you risk losing not only someone you’re in love with, but someone you love…. for a friend who is lost…………….. NASA

Couples who break up constantly, and then get back together immediately have major communication issues. What is the point? Is that threat suppose to make one of you have an epiphany? If it takes that much for someone to realize what they have, then maybe they aren’t meant for each other. In a relationship, we should already realize and appreciate everything we have for our significant others, without the fight. Two people can aggravate each other and push one another to their limits, but the way we deal with these things are what make us grow as a person and more importantly, together.

Don’t use the break up threat as a weapon because in the end it will backfire.

From my personal experiences to yours,

MG

well said. people get to the point where they think they have enough power that they use their own relationship as a threat to keep it. it’s downright selfish, and manipulative.  if this is how someone’s relationship is, they need to think hard, because it is unhealthy for both them and their significant other.  if it didn’t work the first five times, it sure as hell won’t work the next five times. :)

NASA

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<3

Relationships are all about commitment, and many people get into them because they are looking for love, not because they are actually “in” love.  True eventually most fall in love but it is always while they are in the relationship, but it was what they were waiting for.  People never really think of why they actually are with someone or WHY they actually love them, and whether they love that person because of who they are, or if it’s because they are in a relationship with them.

Some people are in love, but they avoid the relationship thinking they can avoid their feelings, which just leads to heartache.  Others don’t commit because they don’t want to be in love and they know if they get into a relationship they will fall completely in love,which is of course a sign of weakness, and being weak is always scary. basically…..the only way you can avoid being in love with someone is distance, and even then the feelings will always be there so you are scrrewwweedd. there’s nothing wrong with being in love, but being in a relationship is a choice and if you’re not ready, there’s nothing wrong with that.  -NASA

Male: You’re such a child when it comes to relationships.. for one my parents dont give a f*** about our relationship.. for two i don’t deal with them anymore im glad you are mature enough to get over that.. im sorry you see things so close minded..but its not good for you..one day you’re going to wake up in n be lost because of the way you are now, and im sorry noones grown enough to stand up and tell you you are wrong or you’re being immature in childish, im sorry they’re all scared to upset you, but thats why we fight so much. you irritate the f*** out of me sometimes, but ill admit it you make me a better person, im not afraid to put you in your place, even if it makes you hate me.. i love you panga tc..

DECONSTRUCTED:

1) I don’t deal with [my parents] anymore- A guy who doesn’t have a good relationship with his parents, especially his mother, treats his girls the way he treats them. If he doesn’t even communicate with his parents, then how is he suppose to communicate with you?

2) im sorry you see things so close minded..but its not good for you- How does this guy know what is good or bad for this person when clearly he can’t even get himself together? For example, cursing at the person you are trying to get back together with is not a sign of someone who has their priorities straight.

3) one day you’re going to wake up in n be lost because of the way you are now - Again, how do you wish ill on someone you supposedly “love”. This guy is trying to scare his victim into thinking that without him she would be lost. The reality is, this guy is so beyond lost, he is completely delusional.

4)  im sorry noones grown enough to stand up and tell you you are wrong or you’re being immature in childish, im sorry they’re all scared to upset you - If no one it telling her that she is being immature of childish, AND he are the only one who is telling her so, put two and two together: you’re delusional.

5)  you irritate the f*** out of me sometimes, but ill admit it you make me a better person, im not afraid to put you in your place, even if it makes you hate me.. i love you panga tc.. - Nice touch. Saying “i love you” even after you said all those horrible things about her. Just because you “deal” with her, doesn’t mean you love her. “I’M NOT AFRAID TO PUT YOU IN YOUR PLACE” - that doesn’t sound too bad, but where exactly is her place? In his chains? Under his manipulation?

this may be true, but you can always feel yourself falling, and you can always catch yourself before it’s too late. you may not be able to choose how you feel, but you can always stop things before you’re at the point of no return.  ”whatever happens happens” isn’t the quote to live by when it comes to love. that’s a lot of faith to put in someone, and you should know who this person is before you trust them with your heart.  you don’t really know who someone is when they have every intention of being with you, because you’re only going to see the best in them.  point blank…..if you see yourself falling, make sure you are ready to handle everything that comes with being in love.  Its a package deal, all the great stuff is amazing, but don’t forget you are giving this person the power to hurt you more than anyone else.  if you’re not ready for it, it’s not wrong to hold back.  it may not be fair to the other person, but you have the right to protect your heart, and you shouldn’t let yourself fall unless you can completely let yourself go emotionally and let all guards down….just a little input for 2010. :D                       ~NASA

Let love have a fresh new start, and may everyone look forward.

How do you deal with the “out of the honeymoon” stage?I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and more than ever am I realizing all the things I don’t agree with in him. I don’t bring up anything to cause a fight and I hardly voice my opinion because he acts like it was never brought up or that I’m irrational to think the way I do or think. Clearly it’s not healthy but I do care immensely for him, which is why I want to make it work. Help?

Getting out of the honeymoon stage is a really hard transition. It’s good that you don’t agree on some things but what can be bad is how you communicate it. Communication is key in a relationship no matter what stage. You NEED to talk about these things with your partner and not every disagreement has to turn into a fight. You can have fun with it! It’s a pride thing. If you let down your pride and allow yourself to NOT GET MAD, then a disagreement could turn into a fun conversation. The purpose of these are not to convince your partner of your opinion, but to let each other know what you think. It’s amazing that you care enough about him to want to work it out, but he needs to be able to also. Communication is a two way street. If he gets angry at you for stating your opinion, then you have to think to yourself if that is the person you really want to be with. Do you think it is normal to be in a relationship with someone and not have the ability to talk to them about anything or everything? Think about how you approach him when you bring things up and if he makes you feel like you’re doing something wrong, then that is a RED FLAG. - MG

Hope that helps!

add on from NA

A+ to my wife for the beautiful response.  i honestly think this is a pride issue on his side, but that’s beside the point because you can’t control his actions….always remember that there is no such thing as a healthy relationship with communication or compromise.  from what you said, he could just be insecure.  some guys think their girlfriends deserve the best and don’t know how to handle it when they can’t give them what they want.  therefore, when you state your opinions and they are different from his, he gets insecure and defensive. if this is the case…you can always try a different approach, make him understand he isn’t being scolded and you aren’t trying to fight with him, but you have the right to state your opinions as well, and if you can’t get through simple discussions then how are you supposed to handle tough situations if you can’t do it as a team.basically, be honest with him…..like you said to us, you know your levels of communication aren’t healthy, but you care about him so much you aren’t ready to give up yet.  there are two possible outcomes to this, either he will set aside his pride and put the effort in to built a healthier relationship with you, or he will be stubborn and get angry with you. after that, it is your decision with what to do. patience is a virtue, and sometimes it’s just a maturity issue, other times they just are the way they are and there is no way around it. good luck and take care!

Protecting yourself from hurting is impossible, the only difference between holding back to protect yourself and putting your heart out there, is the power the person has to hurt you.  When it comes down to it, it’s pride. No one likes to look vulnerable, and when you give your heart to someone you’re giving them the key of power to hurt you, and everyone knows that, even if it is none of their business.Have you ever held back when it came to loving someone to protect yourself from getting hurt? You may have yourself fooled for awhile, but it’ll start to hit you when things affect you more than it should when it comes to that person. Basically it’s a lose lose situation…..regardless of what you say or what you put out for the world to see, how you feel is the one thing you can’t control, which means either way you’re gonna hurt, it’s just the pride of knowing that the world knows who’s capable of hurting you, and the fact that you knew this person could hurt you, and you didn”t do anything to stop it. point blank, you can’t do anything about it, you can’t protect yourself from the pain, all you can do is protect the world from knowing you feel it.

Have you ever stepped back and wondered why you love someone? Is it for all the right reasons? Or is it because you don’t want to be alone?